Lionel Shriver – We Need to Talk About Kevin (Reading Challenge 2017, 2/32)

               kevin2 Every monster has a mother. This is a story about one of them.

                Kevin was 16 years old when he murdered 7 of his classmates and 2 adults. Nobody really knew why. Everyone was wondering, but nobody had the real answer. And mind you, neither do we, readers, after reading this long, wonderful novel.

                It’s written in the form of letters that Eva, Kevin’s mother, writes to her estranged husband, Franklin. She tells him about her every-day life and chance encounters with mother of one the murdered kids. About her visits to the prison, to see Kevin. But, she also tells him about their life together – and her point of view on that life. She recollects and vividly describes every single thing she thinks is important to understand Kevin and his actions. She starts at time from before Kevin was born, and goes to Thursday, where Kevin committed the murder. I guess Eva wants to understand her own actions and find the answer to the question everybody’s always asking in such cases – is this my fault? Is it the parents’ fault? Is it the mother’s fault?

                We never find out. It’s not a novel that would give answers, or any sense of completion. It’s not a novel that justifies anything. On the contrary, it touches deeply hidden instincts, brings out the most difficult questions, and presents issues we like to forget, or pretend they don’t exist. Like, what if the mother can’t love her own child? What if she’s tired and not able to form a bond with him or her?

                The issue of unwanted pregnancy and then maternity seems to prevail in the whole novel, but is not the only one. Eva agrees to have her first child at a late age of 37, and when she does, it’s mostly for her husband. There is one thing she is sure of – she loves her husband and wants to make him happy. If he thinks their life is empty without a child, so be it. After initial hesitation, she manages to convince herself that’s what she wants. Only to regret it at some deep level, almost immediately. She feels trapped while pregnant. She feels trapped as a mother. They all told her that when the child is born, something “unimaginable happens.” Something that cannot be described. Something mothers feel instantly. She waits for it – and it never happens for her. Not with Kevin. She gave birth to a child, to whom she didn’t feel a thing right from the start.

                It’s not that she didn’t try. She did everything she could and she was told to. But Kevin was a difficult baby. He would either cry for endless periods of time, or keep quiet at all times. He didn’t get much easier with time, either. He was deeply disturbed, but also very lonely and very intelligent. From Eva’s point of view, he was manipulative, and never let his father know what he really was like – a confused, angry, depressed, unfeeling child and teenager. But that’s the thing with this novel – we only get Eva’s point of view. So, even though she doesn’t hide anything, and is always brutally honest, and doesn’t even justify herself, we are still left with a question: do we trust her? Her judgment of the situation? Do we trust that she doesn’t lie to herself, and makes her believe things?

                And then we have the father. The oblivious, childlike father, who would always find an excuse for Kevin. Eva was the one who saw evil in her own child, but Franklin was the one who never thought Kevin did anything wrong. As much as Eva loved Franklin, I disliked him. I wanted to shake him and yell to get some help for the child before it’s too late. But Franklin didn’t. He believed till the very end that their son, his flesh and blood, was just a normal teenager. So, he wore diapers till the age of six, and he had problems speaking. So, he wasn’t invited to playdates, and almost no nanny was able to survive taking care of him. These things happen. So, the nanny left. So, he didn’t want to give diapers up. But he did give them up, right? So, we’re still one big happy American family.

                It’s just that Eva never told Franklin how she got Kevin to give the diapers up.

kevinWe are coming to the topic of evil itself. It might have been because Eva rejected Kevin at the very beginning, and – as an intelligent and instinctive child – he always felt it at some level. But what if he really was evil? We want to believe that nobody is born evil, that bad people are just unhappy people who were hurt early in life. That circumstances made them murder, or steal. That they are mentally ill. What if they’re not? What if somebody just feels so deeply the hopelessness of life that they think only murder can do anything for them? What if somebody just doesn’t have any empathy?

                The book is also a criticism of modern age Western countries – I’d say not only America. A country where people are not starving –at least, not the way they do in Africa. A country, where you can have anything you want – if you have money. Everything, but love. Everything, but sense of life. Everything, but sense of anything being worth pursuing. How many of you have heard of Ted Bundy, serial killer? I have. Do you know the name of his victim? Just one? I don’t.

                That’s the reason Kevin gives. If you want to be famous, you can always try to be an actress, or publish a book and be the next J. K. Rowling. But this requires hard work, planning, practicing, lots of disappointments, and is never by any means a sure thing. But if you kill a few people, especially when you’re original and will NOT do it with a gun, you’re instantly famous. You’re the Next Big Thing and they’re doing interviews with you. Asking for your childhood, for your reasons, for your thoughts, for everything.

                We Need to Talk About Kevin is not just a novel. It’s a great piece of literature. It is one of the best books I’ve read recently. It may be one of the best books I read at all. But it’s a difficult one. Disturbing and unforgiving. Brutally honest, and cruel. It’s a book where a woman will tell you that she’s not surprised when children go nuts and kill other children, but pure goodness of her own daughter is the biggest surprise for her. Anything somebody ever does for good, for no interest at all, is a surprise for her. Finally, it’s an important book in the era of people killing people. Regardless of the reasons, regardless of circumstances, it’s there. Thirst for blood. Hatred. Sense of hopelessness. This book will drain you, and will make you feel sorry for humankind. Maybe even ashamed.

                But maybe that’s the way we should feel.

My rating: 10/10

Alice Hoffman – The Museum of Extraordinary Things (Reading Challenge 2017 – 1/32)

               museum So, apparently Alice Hoffmann is a „beloved writer of America” – and still, this is the first time I heard of her. I was looking for something for my 2016 challenge – something that was published in 2016. This turned out, however, to have been translated into Polish in 2016, and published in Poland in 2016. Originally published earlier, so not good for my challenge. But got me interested enough to get to my “to read” list.

                Coralie’s father is an eccentric owner of “museum of extraordinary things.” He collects them and puts them up on display. Among them there are also humans – a man-wolf, or a girl-butterfly. And Coralie, a girl-mermaid, born with extra skin between her fingers. Thought to swim ever since she was a baby, and to hold her breath under water for more than any other human, she is first displayed at the age of 10. But every new “miracle” shown in the museum gets boring after some time and then Coralie, trained to do anything her father tells her to, gets new role.

                Then there is Eddie, a Ukrainian Jew, who fled Ukraine together with his father, after their village had been attacked and Eddie’s mother murdered. He was working since he was 8 years old – with his father, they lived in poor conditions, and Eddie got to know the dark side of life at the very young age. His meeting with a famous photographer changed him, and he became obsessed with photography.

                Set in the early XX century in New York, this is a magical story of love between two people coming from completely different places; two people that should probably never have met. Coralie has to flee from his father and her life as his slave, and Eddie must come to terms with his past and forgive his father. Their love gives them strength and allows them to create their own little world, where nobody has to be a slave anymore.

                Where should I start? With New York, of course. New York, that is presented as a magical, beautiful place. But alongside all the magic, human tragedies happen every day. Like people being forced to work long hours in terrible conditions, for minimal wage. The story is set while the first protests of labor workers began. Eddie gets a chance to photograph an aftermath of an (in)famous fire in a factory where young women were working. They couldn’t escape, because the owners – who did manage to flee – had closed the doors. So, they either jumped and died, or burned to death. This tragedy is still widely remembered, and was a big and important step towards better conditions of work, played a significant role in creating and operating of unions. And, no matter how weird it may sound, that was my favorite part of the book. All the historic moments, all the descriptions of what New York looked like, and how people used to live then and there, were my favorite parts.

                Another thing I liked was the tone of the book. It was prose, but at most times seemed just like poetry. Sad, melancholic, depressing, beautiful poetry. This is not a book that is read for the action, but for those words, and for the mastery of creating this different universe, wonderful, but so terribly sad at the same time. At these times when I felt this atmospheric writing, I could understand what it means that Alice Hoffman is “a beloved writer.” She can enchant with her writing, with her words, with her poetry-like story-telling.

                This story is also about humankind, and of being different. About loneliness. Fighting, and fear, and trying to find one’s place in the world, all the while knowing that – because of our differences, weirdness, if you may – that we may never find it. Story is set in times that are dangerous for everyone who’s not strong, and at least a little bit different than mainstream. But it also bring to my mind a question – “Has there ever been a time where it wasn’t dangerous to be different? Has or will it ever be a time where you don’t have to be strong to be different?” The book doesn’t give the answer, but it does give some sort of sense of completion and hope at the end. Like in fairy tales, love conquers all.

                The fairy tale tone of the book is the only thing that saved me being completely furious at the “love-at-first-sight” thread. Have I mentioned I hate those? Well, I do. In this book we have a very annoying example of that. Seriously. No words exchanged, and they knew they were meant for each other. But, somehow, it doesn’t bother me as much as it would in a different book. Probably because of all this magical, poetic, fairy-tale like tone. I can’t, however, not add, that it’s kind of ironic, that in a book that describes people’s cruelty so vividly, there is a place for people’s love – and not just any love. Pure love. No doubt love. Destined for each other love.

                On the whole, the book is full of contrasts. It describes poor, hopeless districts, but it also describes parts of the city that were full of life and glamour. It describes the life of immigrants very realistically, and showing great empathy. Shows violence and pursuit of power, craziness and obsession, longing for understanding, finding a soul mate. And in the middle of it all, we have two lost souls; young love. Alongside all this brutality and cruelty, there’s still a place for love and hope.

My rating: 8/10

2017 Reading Challenge


So, every avid reader has a list of “to read books.” This year I’ve decided to make it my challenge – I will read 32 of my list (my list is always prone to change). 32 because it’s my age. So, good luck to me – and here’s the list 🙂

  1. Kerstin Gier – The Time Travel Gene – Trilogy (Trylogia Czasu) (
  2. Emma Donoghue – The Wonder
  3. Bryn Greenwood – All the Ugly and Wonderful Things
  4. Shari Lapena – The Couple Next Door
  5. Alex Marwood – The Killer Next Door
  6. Alex Marwood – The Wicked Girls
  7. John Howard Griffin – Black Like Me
  8. Louise O’Neill – Asking for It
  9. Riggs Ransom – Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
  10. Lionel Shriver – We Need to Talk About Kevin (
  11. Thierny Cohen – I Would Prefer to Live (No way in hell I’m gonna read that! I grew out of Paulo Coehlo kind of readings a loooong time ago! Three pages of I Would Prefer to Live and I was done!)
  12. Kate White – The Sixes (
  13. Kate White – ‘Til Death Do Us Part (
  14. Lisa Gardner – The Survivors Club (
  15. Lisa Gardner – Live to Tell (or any other by L.G.)
  16. Carlos A. Martigli – L’eretico
  17. Andy Weir – The Martian (I’m Pretty Much Fucked)
  18. Justin Torres – We the Animals
  19. Chelsea Haywood – 90-Day Geisha: My Time as a Tokyo Hostess (
  20. Tehereh Mafi – Shatter Me (series)
  21. Joyce Carol Oates – Middle Age: A Romance
  22. Wally Lamb – She’s Come Undone
  23. Sarah Dessen – Just Listen (
  24. Rainbow Rowell – Eleonor & Park
  25. Marquis de Sade – Justine
  26. Brett Easton Ellis – American Psycho
  27. Gilles Legardomoer – Do uslug Szanownej pani
  28. Steve Sem-Sandberg – Biedni ludzie z miasta Łodzi (Poor People from the City of Lodz)
  29. Christine Breen – Her Name Is Rose
  30. Stephanie Dray – America’s First Daughter
  31. M. Martin – The Baby-Sitter’s Club
  32. Jack Ketchum – Triange
  33. Jack Ketchum – Off Season (I read The Woman quite recently not knowing that it’s the last one in the series about a canibal tribe in Maine. Off Season and Offspring are the first two parts. The Woman as a book was quite all right, but I don’t think I can stand reading about people eating people anymore. Maybe one day, but not this yar for sure).
  34. Jack Ketchum – Offspring: The Sequel to Off Season (see above comment to Off Season).
  35. Jack Ketchum – The Lost
  36. Jack Ketchum – Joyride
  37. Alice Hoffman – The Museum of Extraordinary Things (
  38. Natalia Fiedorczuk – Jak pokochać centra handlowe
  39. Lewis Matthew Gregory – The Monk
  40. Josh Bazel – Beat the Reaper (

(Outside of) 2016 Reading Challenge

So, it’s the second half of January and I still haven’t written what my challenge is about. But, all in due time (sort of!).

                First, a little list of books I read outside of 2016 Challenge and books I started to read, but didn’t complete.

  1. caseyCasey Watson – A Last Kiss for Mummy – Another book of Britain’s most famous foster mom. This time it tells a story of Emma, a fourteen year old foster child with an infant on her lap. Casey and her family form a bond with Roman, Emma’s baby, immediately, but with Emma herself, a process is longer and harder. As Crying for Help, the story is heartbreaking, and Casey seems like an angel wanting to help all those hurt kids. Also as before, the literary value is not that big. But I can forgive, because of the admiration I feel for every good foster family.
  2. el paso de la helice.PNGSantiago Pajares – El paso de la hélice – Not sure if that was translated into English. The Polish title is “Książka, kórej nie ma”, which means “A book that doesn’t exist”. My Spanish is not that great to grasp the meaning of the original title – the best I have is “A step of the spiral.” Yeah, well. A story about the bestselling series of books, and the search for the mysterious author, who fails to provide the last part. A story about a book that touches and changes lots of people’s lives? What more can I want? Some clichés, true, but still – great read.
  3. Maria Czubaszeknienachalna-z-urodyNienachalna z urody –– Maria Czubaszek, recently deceased, was a Polish writer, satirist, journalist and more. A woman of many talents. But, I shamefully admit, that for me she’s “the woman who openly said she had abortions when she was younger.” Don’t get me wrong, though. I absolutely mean it in a good way. We need more women who would openly say they had abortions. That said, the book was just her thoughts on life, marriage, friendship, people. Her own, I mean. Her life, her marriage, and her friendships with people. But, through her book we can see also ourselves; she’s talking about things people think, but not too many say out loud. Enjoyable funny and a surprisingly fast read – surprisingly, for I usually don’t like non-fiction books. But I guess an exception proves the rule and all this crap. Oh, and the title could sort of be translated to Unimposing Beauty.
  4. a-hatred-for-tulipsRichard Lourie – A Hatred for Tulips – a great psychological drama, about war and its effects on people, and especially about one boy with a great desire to make his father proud of him. The only one who deserves a full review, which I will get into later.

Some of those I started, but didn’t manage to finish:

  1. before-i-go-to-sleepJ. Watson – Before I go to Sleep – This had potential. Really did. The trailer also had potential. I actually thought it was going to be phenomenal. So what went wrong? Maybe my expectations were too high. The story is about a woman with a rare disease – every time she falls asleep, she forgets her past when she wakes up. She keeps a diary to help her memory, but the diary tells her not to trust her husband.” She’s trying to figure out what’s going on, but it’s hard when you keep on forgetting everything you’ve learnt every time you go to bed. Okay, so one more time – what went wrong? I didn’t think it was too far-fetched. I just thought it was boring. Every day she would wake up and we would get yet another description of how she can’t remember he previous day and about how she’s surprised at her appearance – that she’s so much older than she remembers. I have a weird feeling that this might turn out to be quite existing if I had patience to wait/read that long.
  2. american gods.PNGNeil Gaiman – American Gods – This was supposed to be my “Book published in America.” What better book to put in the challenge under “published in America” than about American gods? But it turned out to be too mundane, complicated, and after around 150 pages I felt it didn’t make sense. And since it had a few hundreds more pages to go….
  3. spod kołdry.PNGLuke Bradbury – Undercover – An Australian guy comes to London and as a way to make some quick cash, he decided to sleep with women for money. You know, a male prostitute. Initially it was interesting, enough to ignore the style, which was… not so good. But then it became repetitive and quote dull, honestly, so I didn’t waste my time.

Reading Challenge 2016

There are some books that I don’t really know what to say about. A few sentences are enough, but a whole review? I got nothing. Here are those 6 that fall into this category, and that end my 2016 challenge.

  1. cats-eyeA book by a Canadian author – Margaret Atwood Cat’s Eye – a story of Elaine, a painter, who goes back to her hometown (this hometown happens to be Toronto), for a retrospective of her art. She reminiscences on her high school friendship with three other girls. In one sentence, it’s a really good novel about coming to terms with one’s past, and with our identity. It’s both funny and sad at moments, compassionate and gripping. One thought stroke me most from that book – some version of “Everyone around me my age seems adult, and only I am pretending.” Pretty much sums me up.
  2. dzicy-detektywiA book by a South American author – Roberto Bolaño Los detectivos salvajes – I’d call it a great saga about poetry and poets, and journeys and searching. With many colorful characters. Who reminded me of the beatnik movement, and I may be wrong, but I will remember them as “South American beatniks.”
  3. A book published in 2016 – Emily Bleeker When I’m gone. Somehow, thewhen-i-am-gone word that comes to my mind is “cute.” The story is such: Luke buries his beloved wife after she dies of cancer. Then, he starts receiving letters from her and begins obsessing with finding the answer to the question of who’s delivering them. Reminded me of “PS I love you” (which I didn’t like, by the way). I liked “When I’m gone” a little better.
  4. warsztatA historical fiction book – Eduardo Roca El taller de los libros prohibidos (Workshop of Forbidden Books) – the author’s look on how printing was invented. To be honest, at first I thought this was going to be about some place where all the prohibited books go to. Nope. But the real idea was equally good. A lot of characters, which at first made it a little hard to follow, but they all tie up nicely. And it’s always good to read about how people used to live 500 (or more) years ago.
  5. An erotic book – John Cleland – Fanny Hill or Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure – a zwierzenia-kurtyzanycontroversial book that used to be prohibited. It caused a scandal back in the day (first published in XVIII century), but nowadays we have 50 Shaded of Grey, so we’re not discouraged, right? Okay, but in all seriousness, I’m not going to compare this to 50 Shades of Grey or any other book. It’s a story about a poor girl, Fanny, who’s used by a rich and manipulative owner of a brothel. When you take away all the vulgarity of that book and the rather simple language, it’s a story as old as the world – about how rich people take advantage of the less fortunate. Also, I am so not a fan of erotic books.
  6. przechwytywanieGrimm’s Fairy Tales – if I need to read fairy tales, what’s better than the ones written by Grimm? Also, I just happen to have that book at home. No idea why. Please don’t judge me. Anyway, the fairy tales by the Grimms brothers were the first I ever read on my own, and they scared me a little. I mean, they teach children that beautiful people are always good, and that stepmothers are always evil. Not to mention parents abandoning children in the woods, mother making her daughter slice her own feet to fit a shoe, and beautiful princes that will always, I mean always come to your rescue and marry you. I mean, if you’re beautiful and joyful, and good and virtuous, that is. But if you’re beautiful, it’s guaranteed you’re also the other three. But in all seriousness, these stories are fun to read when I’m an adult, but if I ever have children (hopefully not), I will not read those to them. Not a chance.

So, there goes my list of books I read this year for the challenge, but I didn’t mention some others, that I read “in the meantime.” In total I read around 40 books in 2016, plus I started some, but gave up after a few chapters. Not a bad year, though worse than 2015. I do however, go rather for quality than quantity – hence the number of abandoned books.

More on the subject to follow.

Do you know who you are? (Reading Challenge 2016 – A book published in Poland)

czy-wiesz-kim-jestesThis year, a friend of mine got me interested into 16 personality types based on Jung and Myers theories. Up until that point I was sort of aware of sanguine, choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic types, and I knew what introverts and extraverts were about. But that was about it. The 16 personality types theory proved to be so interesting for me that I even bought this book. And this is a big event when I buy a book. For such an avid reader it sounds a little weird, but I’m a fan of libraries and borrowing books. There are 2 reasons for that: 1. I’m always trying to save some money 2. I don’t like to have too many things at my flat.

                But I digress.

                In the early 20th century Carl Gustav Jung coined the theory of Introverts (who take energy from their inner world) and Extraverts (who take their energy from outside world). Besides, he coined some additional concepts – Judging functions (Thinking or Feeling) and Perceiving functions (Sensing or Intuition). Katherine Cook Briggs, a teacher with an interest in psychology, together with her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers, developed that theory and coined a way to describe the order of each of Jungian’s preferences. Therefore, we have:

  • Introversion (I) or Extraversion (E)
  • Intuition (N) or Sensing (S)
  • Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)
  • Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)

So, this is basically what this book is about. Jarosław Jankowski, the author, is a pedagogue that is popularizing this theory in Poland. In this book he describes it pretty easily, and writes about each of the 16 personality types, maybe without a thorough analyzation of inner processes, but he writes about strengths and weaknesses, as well as the potential for professional careers, how we behave as parents, friends and lovers – according to our personality types, that is. The book contains the test, from which you can easily and quickly learn what type you are.

So, this ends my review. It was interesting and informative, though when I was reading it from the beginning to the end I started confusing types I read about. But it’s the book I like to have around, cause I’m sure I’ll be coming back to it on many occasions.

I took a test to check my personality 4 times so far, and the first time I got INTJ; the other three times I got INFJ. To make it simpler I decided to be an INFJ. Also, I think it suits me. I hope it’s not just my willingness to believe it, cause I like the concept!

One way or another, one positive thing about my interest towards 16 personality types is that I finally started coming to terms with my own introversion. We have more to be proud of that I used to give us credit for.

More on the subject will follow.


Happy New Year :)

I’ve never liked New Year’s resolutions. Probably because New Year’s Eve is sort of like any other night for me, and you can have resolutions at any time of the year. And basically, do people actually keep them?

So, instead of resolutions I have a wish for myself. I wish I could write reviews as soon as I finish reading a book. Cause I did finish my challenge this year, just didn’t get to writing reviews of all the books. Well, anyway, a new “sort of challenge” is coming up soon, but first I have to wrap up 2016.

Enough of that. For New Year I wihs you health, luck and may all your dreams come true.

And lots of good book, of course, as always.

And for me? Same thing!